Gok Auntie Evans Wan
Trevor O’Shanty from Quimsford asks:
“Dear Auntie Evans,
With it being a new year, I’m wondering what clothing’ll be in fashion this season. Can you give me any sartorial tips for 2010?”
Auntie Evans responds:
“Dear Trev,
As you know, i’m all about les arts-de-fabrique. I think you’ll find the best clothes this year will indeed be found – in a bin bag. If you’re squatting, you’ll easily find socks and the suchlike, previously belonging to your best friend’s big sister who has size three feet. Hey, at least they’ll keep your toes warm, and even if they’re bright pink, you won’t be able to make out the fairy or cartoon cow motifs on account of having mislaid your specs.
If you wish to inform people about the phenomenal gulf between your actual intellect and track record for daftness, you could try a T-shirt with Shakespeare on it. Some people will recommend shoplifting the clothes you desire, but in my experience this just gets you hit around the head by a 73-year-old Pakistani man.
Other than the above, coaching jackets for warmth. If you’re lucky there may be some Cresta merchandise around, that really is this year’s Prada.
You’ll be swish as a lord.”
